Kaiba is a girl?
by ChibiKurama
Summary: Kaiba. As a Girl. Enough said.*Chapter 4 up! ^_~*
1. The Morning

ChibiKurama: Mwa. I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! or Seto Kaiba or any of the characters (yet). But Momo is my dear friend Invader-Pimmy's character (You should really read her fic before mine), so let the insanity begin.

Seto Kaiba: I refuse to go through this humiliation. If word of this got out, Kaiba Corporation-

ChibiKurama: You know, Seto, if we really cared about Kaiba Corp, the show would have changed its name to Kai-Ba-Co already. What we want is to laugh.

Kaiba: Bah.

ChibiKurama: Bah this. *calls 2 guards to take Kaiba away to begin the show* 

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When Seto Kaiba woke up on Sunday morning at approximately 8:30 AM between a set of $600 suede sheets on a circle bed complete with automatic heat, pressure sensors, and call button, he felt unusually strange. Unusually strange indeed. 

It could have been that it was Sunday, but he still had the uncontrollable urge to work until all of his fingers had fallen off and he went blind from all the computer screens. It could have been that he had a sixth sense, but he didn't or else he would have noticed the paparazzi practically two inches from his window hanging upside down with a camera in hand (considering it was 15 stories up, it was a pretty mean feat). It could have been the stains from 500 papayas on the walls (Don't ask). Or it could have been… something else.

Anyway, he had stayed in bed for about 10 minutes before getting out of bed to the perfectly controlled air temperature of 69­ . He managed to cross to the door and open it, where two guards were waiting (shouldn't they have been taking care of the demented paparazzi?). Kaiba didn't say his usual stormy "Morning," as he walked past them. Instead, he didn't say anything at all. However, even so, they both had "Who-the-hell-are-you-and-how-the-hell-did-you-get-in-there-but-we're-just-guards-so-we-won't-ask" expressions following him down the hall. Kaiba arrived at the suite-sized bathroom (a whole 5 yards down the hall) before muttering, "What's wrong with these people?"

However wacky it was, these words were enough to throw himself into a panic. It wasn't his usual growly deep voice that sent his entire deranged female fan club into fits of screaming. Instead it was a high squeaky voice that sounded full of bubbles and flower petals (ok, he had gone through this before, but that had to be at least what, 4 years ago?). Without further ado, Kaiba dashed into the bathroom to catch a glimpse of his face. As he reached the mirror, he knew something was wrong.

His hair had gone all bouncy and poofy. Why were his eyes all big like that? It was so creepy… he could actually see his pupils. Was it his imagination or was his mouth smaller than yesterday? His face was all narrow…it was at this point that Kaiba looked down.

The scream that followed hereafter was loud enough to send shockwaves through most of Mideastern Europe.

Mwahahaha…I know it's short. Want to try and review it? Go ahead…I promise more soon. Next Chapter: Mental Breakdown and Momo. 


	2. Mental Breakdown and Momo

ChibiKurama: Yes. I do not own. Only laugh. *ahem* And now, Chapterrrrrrrrrrr 2!

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Kaiba was now a girl. And not just any girl. The most impossibly cute, bubbly, adorable innocent schoolgirl you'll ever find in any manga or anime alike. Seto started the process of splashing his face with cold water over and over, each time coming up, seeing the unchanging face of cuteness, and going back down into the basin. He continued until he was thoroughly wet, and eventually admitting to himself he was thoroughly awake also. 

Kaiba left the bathroom and headed back to his bedroom. However, he was at the door when those two guards stopped him in the process. "You ignoramic fools, what are you doing?" Kaiba squeaked, a painful reminder that his manly voice (which he had quite liked) was gone. 

"Mr. Kaiba doesn't let anyone in his personal quarters unless they're previously cleared on this here list. And youse ain't on this list. In fact, I've never seen youse before youse come out this door a couple minutes ago," Security #1 said. "But I'M Seto Kaiba!" he screeched. "Hey, little girl, go home before we hafta send Security on you. Mr. Kaiba is a very busy man." Security #2 said. 

Seeing this wasn't going to get anywhere, Kaiba stormed down the hall once again. His mind was at work, which must have looked very strange on the face of someone more sickeningly cute than Sailor Mini-Moon. _There were no guards outside his office yet_, he thought, _so he could get in there. Then from there he could call Mokuba…_ Kaiba froze in his tracks. No, he couldn't call Mokuba… even if the kid did believe him, he couldn't torture him with the fact his big brother had somehow turned into a big sister…*shudder shudder*. 

Seto made it down to the office and hit the lock open button. "Retinal Identification Scan," came the electronic programmed voice. He let it scan his right eye before the voice came again. "Incorrect match. Access denied." "What?! No way! This can't be!" Seto began madly pushing buttons, entering the manual override code he had installed for just a situation (Yeah, right). But either way, it worked, and the door slid smoothly open.

Kaiba closed and locked the door behind him, insuring no one else would see him in this state. Strangely enough, he was resisting the urge to spin around and around until he got dizzy and wanted to hurl. He sat at his desk in the leather swivel chair, and logged on his computer. "Voice Recognition Sequence: Please State Your Name," were the words on the computer screen.

"YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!!!!!" shrieked Kaiba. _How fricking ironic…_, he thought. "Incorrect Response: Please State Your Name." Came the reply. "Um…Seto Kaiba?" he tried. The computer hummed and whirred a little, before coming up, "Invalid Frequency Match: Access Denied." 

And so, having not built an override for his personal voice identification, his head hit the keyboard, defeated. He didn't notice a small shadow come in through the window, which was closed. Seto didn't look up until he heard a small high pitched laugh coming from the left upper corner of the room. "Who is it? Who the hell are you?" Kaiba's voice quavered. The laughter increased and a voice higher than his own replied, "I AM MOMO!!!!!!!! YOU WILL FALL, SETO KAIBA!!!!!!", before starting to laugh again. "Listen, will you shut up? You're really giving me a headache." "Ok," said the voice, and was silent. Kaiba saw the shadow in the corner, and squeaked again, "Who are you? WHAT are you?" "I, being Momo, am the creature who has caused your unique transformation…" the voice said, before breaking off into peals of really really _really _annoying laughter again. "Ok then," Kaiba began, "Then what do you want? I wouldn't mind changing back right about now." 

"Mwa! Not while I'm having so much fun! One day, with you gone, I WILL RULE THE ENTIRE BLOCK!!!!!"

"Well, you won't be ruling anything if I manage to strangle you with my bare…uh, hands." Seto looked at his hands with his well-manicured pink nails.

"Yes, well, unfortunately for you, you will not only just look like a girl soon, YOU WILL ALSO THINK LIKE ONE!!!!! THE EFFECTS ARE ALREADY STARTING!"

And so they were, Kaiba at that exact moment was looking at his reflection in the computer screen and thinking about lipstick shades. (Scary scary thought. - __ -)

And it was with that that Momo turned into a giant pink bunny and screamed, "MY CHOPSTICKS ARE SHORT AND BRITTLE! PORK ROAST FOR EVERYONE!" and leaped out the window just as it came. 

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Who is this mysterious creature Momo? Will he free Kaiba from being Valley Girl of the Year? How come no one has noticed the screaming coming from Kaiba's office? These questions answered in the next chapter… 


	3. Reasons to Hate Irony

ChibiKurama: Before we begin again, um…I have something to say. Yu-Gi-Oh! and Momo of course do not belong to me. My dear friend Invader Pimmy actually first came up with the idea of Kaiba turning into a girl.

Momo: YOU MEAN YOU STOLE HER IDEAS?!

ChibiKurama: NO NO IT'S NOT LIKE THAT AT ALL!!!!!!! *breathe* She started the idea and I put it into words. And she threatened to steal my soul if I didn't say that. ^_^; Whatever…ONWARDS, CADETS!!!!!!

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Maybe a bit more neutral peach… some of that- "Gah! What the hell-" _Or more of a… _Kaiba, as we had last left him, was fighting himself. Or rather, fighting his feminine side.

"Stupid…blasted creature…what was it, Momo? Momomomomomomomomomo-" At this point the girl part of Kaiba had taken over before he had given himself a crisp slap across the face. "OUCH…ok…Momo. Where have I heard that before?" It was after a brief moment of intense thought that his brain registered the name. "Momo…was that…thing with Yugi Moto… OH, GOD NO!" The last person he wanted to see in the body of Miss Bubbly Personality was Yugi Moto, and worse, that Yami freak in his Millenium Puzzle.

"But I can't stay like this forever… WHAT ABOUT MY COMPANY? THIS IS LUDICROUS!!!!!" And with that, Seto fell out of his chair (he had been spinning in it around and around).

He slowly got back in it, growling all the way (which didn't have quite the same effect, curse the vibrations of his new vocal cords). Looking over his computer error screen, his office, and his new body, Kaiba finally made the hard decision of forcing back his pride and deciding to call Yugi Moto. After all, he had worked so hard to build Kaiba Corp and wasn't going to let it fall because of… The serious thought was interrupted by a fit of the giggles. "Ok, that's it. I am calling Yugi. NOW." He said aloud. And so he did.

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ChibiKurama: Heh… sorry so short… just a transition chapter, I swear! The next one will be longer and funnier! Next Chapter: Who You Gonna Call?


	4. Who Ya Gonna Call?

ChibiKurama: Mwa! The latest and greatest chapter of them all! However, if you've noticed, I've upped the rating because of the semi-graphic phone conversation that takes place here (Just to be safe ^_~)

Seto Kaiba: *storms in w/ script* I REFUSE TO SUBJUGATE TO THIS OUTRAGEOUS HUMILIATION!!!!!!!

ChibiKurama: Too bad, Kaiba-boy… you still have to follow the script.

Kaiba: To hell I do *pulls out technological destroying vapor ray thingie* *smirks* I have the power now…

ChibiKurama: *pulls out bigger technological destroying vapor ray thingie complete with hot cocoa maker* GET BACK TO WORK! Hehehe…anyway…enjoy….

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The phone rang exactly 3 times before someone picked up.

"Hello. Moto residence." An old voice said.

"Um…hello, is Yugi there?" Kaiba said. (_Gah! Stupid voice! Why must I be cursed with this vocal nightmare?)_

"Oh yes, I'll get him. *away from phone* Yugi! Some girl's on the phone for you! You don't have a girlfriend, do you?"

Seto cringed away from the phone. The very thought…GODS, IT WAS JUST WRONG!

"Hello?" It was Yugi Moto's voice this time.

"Yugi, it's Seto Kaiba. I need some…uh… help."

There was a silence; before-

"Oh, yeah. Great joke. Who is this?"

Every muscle in Seto's body started to twitch uncontrollably. "BAKA YARO! THIS IS SETO KAIBA! I'M NOT LYING!"

There was another silence (probably because Kaiba's yelling had reached the relative pitch of nails on a blackboard).

"Hannah? Is that you?"

"GAAAH! THIS. IS. SETO. KAIBA. IT'S NOT MY FAULT YOUR STUPID MOMO TURNED ME INTO A FEMALE!!!"

"What? This really is- Wow, sorry Kaiba… it's just that… you sound different."

"No shit, Sherlock. I called because I need-"

And there came an abhorrously ridiculous laugh on the line.

*sweatdrop* "Yugi, that had better not be-"

"HA HA HA, KAIBA'S A GIRL?!?! Getting in touch with your feminine side, eh, Kaiba?" came the unmistakably annoying voice of Joey Wheeler.

"Shut up you sniveling pooch! THIS ISN'T FUNNY!"

"Joey, quit it… he really needs our help."

"Hey, Yug, I'm thinking of this as payback for all those dog cracks."

"This isn't MY fault! It's whatever that Momo creature did."

"Momo? I wonder why he'd be picking on you…"

"Can you get him to change me back?! I have a business to run!"

"Well, maybe. But you'll have to come over here… he seems to be over at my house constantly."

"Are you crazy?! I won't be seen in public like this."

"Then I guess I can't help you…"

"OK, FINE! Have it your way…"

"Look on the bright side, Kaiba. No one will notice you."

"Yeah, Kaiba… and on the way over 'ere you can stop at the store and pick up a bra…"

"Joey! Shut up!"

"Yugi, you had better hope Joseph is gone before I arrive or a certain smart-mouthed dog is going to be neutered." (Scary…scary… -__-;;)

"…Or maybe a dress or two…"

"Wait a sec… for once I think Joey may have a point."

"I do?"

"Yugi, I would rather burn in the pits of-"

"Well, I'm sure you can't show up in whatever you're wearing now."

Kaiba looked down at his pair of blue silk pajamas with "KC" embroidered on the pocket (He seems to have that everywhere, doesn't he? ^_^) Stupid kid was right.

"Well, can't I wear my normal clothes?"

"If you're worried about getting noticed I don't think that would be a good idea."

"OK, OK! WHATEVER!" Kaiba hung up the phone. (and if you haven't noticed, it's because he's having a hissy fit and losing his mind at the same time. ^_^ Sorry, Kaiba-san)

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Why… why oh why… Seto Kaiba, President of Kaiba Corp, expert duelist, mechanical genius extraordinaire… being forced to wear… a dress. All because of some Momo thing which thought it would be funny to…

"I wonder what's my best color… should I go with my blue motif or-" "WHYYYYY…" Seto screamed


End file.
